Today is July 26th. I haven’t smoked a cigarette since July 4th,
and haven’t taken the Chantix medication since the week before last. I
think that my quit has been successful! I don’t crave nicotine, and I
don’t mind being around others who smoke. I didn’t even trade one bad
habit for another so far as I can tell. That, amongst all of the pain
and frustration of this summer has been the highlight, and a feat of
which I am extremely proud. I have always struggled with self-control.
By taking the Chantix, I helped to remove the chemical addiction so I
could focus on removing the bad habits and experiences that made me want
to smoke.
My health is actually improved at the moment
too. Topamax may be great for some people, but for me it was like
living life in a complete fog. I had to back off the dosage little by
little to get off of it safely, but now that I am no longer taking it,
more than half my symptoms have disappeared. I am no longer hyper
sensitive to light, and no longer have severe eye pain. I am no longer
mixing up words and forgetting things, thus causing me to repeat myself
quite a lot. I am no longer getting lost in familiar places. I can
complete a thought and a sentence. I am very fond of my intellect, and
giving it up for pain relief that wasn’t forthcoming after nearly two
months was just not going to do. So, if you have used Topamax before
and you swear by it, by all means recommend it to others. As for me, I
wouldn’t take it again even if I had no other choice. Oh, and Icksnay
on the Imitrex, too. Yuck.
Now as for pain, I still have
spades of it. In my head, behind my eyes, at the back of my skull,
through my neck and shoulders, especially on the right side; and an odd
‘pinched nerve’ feeling in my lower spine that affects either one leg or
the other, and sometimes both at the same time. Muscle relaxers help
the most, but I have to wait to take them until I am at home if I expect
to get anything done at work. Other pain medicine doesn’t really do
the trick, and can cause me to actually get a worse or ‘rebound’
headache. So, unless the pain is unbearable, I try to do no
medication. The best thing you can do for a migraine is go to bed.
When I’m not at work, I do that a lot.
My poor child
has to ask me all the time whether or not I’m feeling good, or if my
head hurts. He shouldn’t have to cater to my suffering at such a young
age. It makes me mad. I still feel as if I’ve been mistreated. I went
to the doctor for tremors that we are treating, but of which the root
cause has not been found. Then, we go ‘gung-ho headache’ and diagnose a
rare disease. Then we blame the LP procedure for the pain for a week.
Then we blame migraines for a week. Then we blame the increased
pressure in my head the next week. The emergency room treats me for a
severe headache, but doesn’t try to figure out why I am having it,
charges me 100 bucks and sends me home to be on the couch some more.
Then the doctor tells me that there isn’t anything more he can do and I
just have to wait and let the medicine begin to work. This miracle
medicine that made me worse instead of better. Gah! I just want to
scream sometimes. I am going to keep my appointment in Little Rock on
the 15th, and get to the bottom of this. I’ll just start over with the
tremors and go from there.
At least there has been some
improvement :) I am happy that I can still go to work as long as I can
rest up between shifts :) I am happy that I am smoke free for the first
time when I felt like I had really kicked the habit. :) I am happy
that I am fortunate enough to have a good job with insurance. I am
happy-and honored-to have so many people thinking about me and praying
for me. :) I am happy to have a family that loves me and takes care of
me and of Riley when I can’t. I am happy to have a dishwasher in my
kitchen!! I am truly blessed by God to have so many people who care.
Much love to you all!
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