You Get What You Pray For

After a very long day that Monday, I lay in bed with a nasty head cold, praying for a Christmas Miracle that I would be able to breathe through my nose again when I awoke.  That did not happen.  I woke and got my son up and out the door just in time to catch the bus.  I picked up a breakfast sandwich and had to wait.  I was 4 minutes late to the office.  I expected my boss to come in around Noon.  She phoned to say that she would be back closer to 2 p.m.  My head is swimming from the pressure and other nasty cold-related symptoms.  When she arrives, I tell her I am going to the store for orange juice and medicine and then heading off to bed.  I agree to drop off the mail in the outside box.  I won’t even have to get out of the car.  But, I decide to go in and see if – just maybe – my anticipated check has arrived in the mail.  Eureka, it has!  Finally, I had a good turn.  I cash the check and go to the store.  I picked up everything I think I need.  I am in the checkout line.  I reach into my purse.  I can’t find my cash.  The $280.00 that I have had in my possession for less than half an hour is missing without a trace.  I looked everywhere.  Up and down the aisles.  Under displays.  On the shelves.  I KNOW it was in my purse.  It was not there.  I asked a fellow shopper to keep an eye out.  She really hoped that I would find it, she said.  I went to my car.  I looked through all my mail from the post office.  I looked in the cracks.  I looked under the seats.  I dumped the entire contents of my purse.  While I sorted through it, I said, “Okay God.  What are you trying to teach me? I’m listening!”  I didn’t find it.  I looked under the car.  I looked all over the parking lot.  The lady who wished me well came up to me as she was headed for her car.  She held out her hand and asked if the bill she was holding would help with my groceries.  The sun was in my eyes.  I looked closer, and the bill was a hundred.  I resisted.  I couldn’t take that much money from her!  She insisted, said “Merry Christmas!” and walked away.  There was no discussion.  I went back inside in tears.  Some of the cashiers were tearing up because I was, being so moved by what happened outside. Three of them had gone together and paid for my groceries, which totaled 77 dollars.  I tried to give them the hundred the lady outside had given me.  They told me to keep it, because I was going to need it.  While one of the managers loaded my groceries in the car, I looked through the store and through my car one last time.  There, inside folds of a letter, inside an envelope, was my bank envelope full of cash.  I went back into the store.  Everyone had seen me crying.  There were several people in the checkout lines.  I was asked if I had found the money.  I smiled, and held up the envelope.  There was applause.  Sighs of relief could be heard from everyone there.  I was still in tears.  So were some of the other ladies.  I insisted on paying for my groceries, and giving the lady, who was gone, her money back.  They let me pay them back for my things, but no one knew the lady or if they did they weren’t letting on.  I was never upset about the money.  I wasn’t panicked.  I wasn’t crying because I lost money.  It wasn’t gone long enough for me to panic.  I was just overwhelmed by the immediate outpouring of goodwill.  In times where things are falling apart, it gives me peace in my heart to have been the target of God’s Christmas Miracle.  I wasn’t even going to get out of the car at the post office, but because I did, I got to see God work.  Merry Christmas Everyone.  If you get the chance, be a Christmas Miracle.  You will never feel the same again.

Why did God put a forbidden tree in the garden of Eden? Was he trying to manipulate us?

This question was posted by a friend of mine. 

God created man in his own image.  He saw that man was alone, and He was never alone, since He is Almighty, Spirit and Flesh. God never wished for his people to be alone or separate from him, but sin existed BEFORE Adam and Eve, as evidenced by satan’s (lucifer) fall from grace. God took woman out of man’s body in order that he should have a companion and since she was a part of him was one with Him, since they were created in God's image.

God created ALL things, INCLUDING free will.  It is not good or perfect for God to create beings with no choice but to love them and obey them.  If ever there was an experiment conducted by God, it was creating free will, not giving loving instruction to his children and hoping they chose rightly.  If they didn’t have free will to choose to obey or to love him, why would he have had to give them instructions on what tree not to eat from?  As parents, do we not tell our children what we want them to do for their own good, knowing already that they will disobey?  But we still tell them because we love them, and we want them to learn from the mistakes we already know they are going to make?

It is important also to note that there are TWO specific trees mentioned in the Garden of Eden, only one from which he forbade them to eat.  One is the Tree Of The Knowledge Of Good And Evil, and the other is the Tree Of Life.  My father in law (Pastor Dave Williamson) explained it to me further:  The Tree Of Life is the spiritual choice. If they had chosen to eat from it by relying on their faith and CHOOSING to turn away from the temptation of lucifer and also the temptation of their own five senses (the flesh), God says that they would live in innocence and paradise forever (which we who accept Christ still will).  The Tree Of The Knowledge Of Good And Evil cannot be described as simply the Tree of knowing the difference between right and wrong.  It is LITERALLY the tree that first revealed to Adam and Eve, by their CHOICE, the very EXISTENCE of good and evil. The Tree Of Life is Christ.  The tree of the knowledge of good and evil is the LAW.  Without the Tree of Life (Christ) Humans are bound by the LAW (the knowledge of good and evil), and the law can only condemn.  Christ and Christ alone can only redeem.  So, really God did know that his people would disobey, but to say that he tricked or manipulated them into making the wrong choice is contrary to the very nature of God.  Temptation came from satan’s temptation and the temptation of their senses (they saw that it was good for food), and then satan’s temptation of Adam THROUGH Eve, whom he had already attacked (meaning you can’t put all the blame off on Eve :). The choice was always theirs, even from the very BEGINNING. :)

A Painful bit of Honesty

I’m sitting in my glider rocking chair, covered in a quilt that has seen far better days but was made by my grandmother out of grandpa’s work shirts and other bits of fabric she had collected over the years.  Tattered and torn is accompanied by loved and cherished in this covering.  It has been quite a long day.  Because I’ve run out, I haven’t taken my depression medication in four days.  After one day, my nervous system gets upset, and makes it known by sending electric shocks through my body each time I blink my eyes.  As this is day four, it is a bit of an understatement to say that it’s worse than that.  I woke this morning and Riley was up and ready to play.  I felt like I would fly apart at any second, but gave my best effort not to.  We watched some cartoons, and Riley played some in his room while I rested on the couch.  I gathered myself together as best I could and took us to church.  I suppose twenty minutes late is better than a 4^th week in a row of not attending.  After church we went for fried chicken at the diner.  I wore sunglasses from the time we left the house until the time we returned.  Riley had been talking all morning about playing outside with his Frisbee.  I didn’t have it in me, but hoped that Michael would take the Frisbee shift and let Riley burn off his lunch of pancakes and syrup followed by bites of each of our brownies for dessert before laying low a couple of hours.  I for some reason tried instead to get Riley to lay down with me.  Michael got up and Riley didn’t want to lie still, probably from the loads of sugar we just sent coursing through his veins only minutes before. I told him he could go play in his room.  I remember falling asleep really fast.  Then I remember waking up to the sound of Riley kicking the wall; a thing he knows far better than to do.  I suspected that he was looking for attention from one of us.  He got it.  It was not positive attention, but Riley isn’t picky.  He will take any attention he can get, positive or negative.  I just wish I could get him to seek the positive with as much fervency as he seeks the negative.  When I woke, It was my shift again, as I promised Michael I would make sure he could go out for a ride on his motorcycle today, since I preempted his trip yesterday with a trip of my own.  So, he left and Riley and I played some, and I watched a little bit of a show, and then we went outside.  I had been what we call ‘barky’ all day.  Cranky and irritable doesn’t quite describe it.  While outside, the renters downstairs came to pay the rent while Riley played in the yard.  I called Michael’s Mom and Dad to tell them the renters had paid, and I made the mistake of complaining to Mom about my frustrations with Riley and Michael.  She rightfully chastised me for doing Riley a disservice in his life by not getting my stuff together, and by not communicating with my husband.  I was on the edge of falling apart all day.  She is the last person on this earth that I would ever want to upset, but at that moment the fine threads like that of my quilt holding together the outer shell of me gave way, and I was reduced to tears.  I did something that I have never done in my life.  I hung up on her.  I couldn’t bear to face my feeling like a disgrace to parenthood-to say nothing of daughterhood.  I sat there in my lawn chair and cried and cried until I couldn’t breathe.  Riley tried to comfort me.  He said, “It’s okay mama, I take care of ooh.”  I cried more.  What a lovely heart God placed in my boy.  The boy I was failing with.  The exchange was only seconds, but years of failures flooded my thoughts.  “I am a bad mama.”  I said, meaning it to the depths of my soul.  Through my sobs, he hugged me and patted my head.  “You are a good mama.  It be okay.”   I couldn’t stop crying.  I couldn’t stand the thought of failing him.  I couldn’t stand the thought that I had hung up on Mom.  I tried to call back if only to apologize.  The line was busy.  More tears.  I couldn’t see.  My head was pounding.  I finally took a deep breath and calmed a bit.  I called again.  The phone rang.  She answered.  I burst into tears.  We talked and I cried and eventually I had worked myself into a frenzy.  I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t see.  I was a bad mom and a bad daughter.  No one said these things except me, but I believed them to be true.  I had fallen completely apart.  Michael came home from his ride then.  He coaxed me inside, hoping to avoid the scene I could easily have made.  I went to the bathroom and climbed in the shower and sat down under the stream of heat and steam and continued to sob.  I could not stop hyperventilating.   The tears flowed from my eyes as if they had been held back for ages.  I had to take a sedative to finally calm down.  My heart is so fragile.  My temper is so short.  I am able to forget that about myself when I have my medication to rely on.  After my attack, I took a moment to calm down, and then I played school-buses with my boy until his bed time.  He is such a good boy.  This is not the life I wanted for him.  He has struggles and obstacles of his own.  No child deserves to have to reassure their mother at the tender age of six.  They need to play hard and live a full and fun life.  I feel sorry that he has to wait for me because I am slow.  That he has to be gentle with me because I’m fragile.  Please note at this point that just because he is supposed to be gentle doesn’t at all mean that he is.  But he doesn’t understand, and quite frankly he shouldn’t have to. But alas, I suppose each of us has to take our life’s experiences as they come, and from each one choose to either learn a lesson and grow, or drink in the draughts of bitterness set before us and simply endure.  Tonight I will try to accomplish the former, and shrug off the latter and substitute a cup of hot chamomile tea.

Missing Billy

As I sit here, I try to think back.  I met Billy while he was still in high school.  His friends were my friends, and because my friend Emily and I were a little older and shared the rent on a house, we typically had lots of visitors.  Emily was dating Aaron Sanders, and I was dating Michael Williamson, both of whom Billy knew, either from school or from ‘around.’ Billy would grace us with his presence on occasion, and always be welcome, witty and wonderful to be around.  Emily and I were the hosts, but he seemed to be happy to provide entertainment.  He and ‘the guys’  -- Aaron, Dustin, Patrick, Damien, Michael, Rob, Jed and Reed and Laramey, (I have mostly guy friends) and a stream of others seemed to compete for laughter amongst the group.  I remember Billy being full of hardware J  I couldn’t imagine having so many piercings, but they suited him quite nicely.  I remember one particular night close to the end of high school for them.  They had their prom, and quite a few people—even some I didn’t know—came to our house for a get-together afterwards.  Many of the party-goers stayed the night at our house on couches, in chairs, pallets on the floor, etc.  Billy, however, ended up sleeping like a rock on the hardwood floor.  He started out his sleeping endeavor in the living room, but somehow ended up down the hall and around the corner in one of the bedrooms, snoring happily.  My friend Emily woke up at some point to use the bathroom and tripped over him and nearly face-planted in the hallway.  Neither of us will ever forget that!

Then I try to think forward.  I remember meeting Billy's wife for the first time.  I don’t remember exact details.  I remember it was back behind the glove factory on one of those side streets at a house.  I don’t remember why we were there.  I just remember thinking to myself “I really like her!”  Then, sometime later we (My husband and I) saw Billy and his wife in their car in the Leatherwood parking lot, and lo and behold, they had a baby boy – quite possibly the cutest kid I’d ever seen in my life.  I was so happy for Billy! 

Then I was shocked.  He told us he had cancer.  After that meeting, a long, long time went by before I heard anything about Billy again.  I thought about him and all the guys a lot as life happened along as is its habit to do.  I asked someone somewhere how Billy was, and they said better, and that he was working as a medic.  Awesome! I decided to look him up on the notorious Facebook spy network, and found that he was just as awesome and funny as ever, and that there was a new baby to adore there.  I loved how he called her Jack It seemed so endearing to have this beautiful girl with a beautiful name being called simply Jack.  I never got the chance to ask him why he called her that.  I would have loved to know the story.  There had to be a story.  With Billy, there was always a good story! 

I may not have had the in-between time with Billy that I would have liked, but that is actually true of many of my friends since the early days after high school.  Just because we were far apart doesn’t for a second mean that they weren’t thought of, missed, wondered about, loved, cherished for the memories they helped to make, and remembered for all the special things that made them who they were to us.  I feel honored to be even a small part of his full life, and I’m sorry that we lost him so soon.  But much can be learned from someone who was loved and who loved so much.  May God bless Billy’s family and his children and his many, many friends.  I hope that reading this will stir love and respect in the hearts of any who knew him.  It was certainly stirring in the writing.  I will miss you, and I am not alone.

My Health #8 - Wednesday, August 17th

Yesterday I called and scheduled my ambulatory EEG.  I was to be at the LRDC at 8am to get hooked up to the monitor.  I went to bed early and got up at 4am and left the house.  The timing was good.  I got to the clinic at about 7:45.
They got me right in, and I was officially ‘testing’ starting at 9:00 this morning. I am supposed to push a little button when I feel that I am going to have or have just had a ‘spell’ so that they are easier to track on the readout.  I am also keeping a required journal of what I do all day, especially eating, going to sleep, or waking up.  I can’t get anything wet, so I am taking bird baths.  I try never to miss a relaxing shower or bath. Big bummer there : )   No scratching my head.  Yeah right. I am doing my best; that’s all I can say.  No chewing gum or candy, plus lots of other obvious rules not worthy of listing.
I got out of Little Rock as fast as I could.  I came over to the motel and they were kind enough to let me check in 4.5 hours early.  This was a very good thing, because 4am is not my favorite time of the day to get up.  While going to sleep I did have my spells.  I pushed the ‘event button’ every time I had an episode until I fell asleep.  Really the only time I have them is when I am trying to go to sleep or when I am just waking up.  When I woke up at around 2:20, it was to a really weird, and a little freaky dream.  I was startled awake by it.  It  is too weird to describe and I don’t remember most of it.
I am a little mad at myself.  I was so on top of everything.  I had packed everything I needed, had the GPS on my phone to guide me to the motel, had remembered my phone and laptop charger, and even a hairbrush I didn’t need.  I brought all my medicines….except one.  Now I am on a quest to get my medicine at a Wal-Mart here in Maumelle.
I have to be back at the Clinic at 9 in the morning.  More on tomorrow—tomorrow.

August 10th
I woke up early because even though my appointment wasn’t until 9 am, I am used to hopping in my car and driving 1 mile to work.  No traffic.  Today I would be hitting Little Rock during rush hour in the middle of a storm.  I thought it best to play it safe.
I woke with a bad headache and oddly bad heartburn.  Didn’t bring any tums.  Added that to the medicine list for later.  I wanted to make sure I had plenty of time to get to the clinic.
Then, as I began to get ready to go, it started to pour down rain.  I have wires and water soluble glue all over my head, and no umbrella.  So, I carefully planned.  I ate breakfast in the motel room (I packed food to save $ : )), I got dressed and ready to walk out the door wearing a hand towel on my head, and a ball cap on my hand towel.  No sooner than I opened the hotel room door, the rain abruptly stopped!  I laughed out loud.  God is so funny sometimes.  He wants me to be sure that he stopped that rain just for me.  He has totally been with me this entire trip.  I wore my getup to the car anyway, just in case.  He is a good God, but Satan likes to try to mess up my groove sometimes, and I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.
When I got to the clinic-a full hour early-It wasn’t raining at all.  And at this point can I just say that the GPS on my phone is the best thing ever?!  It totally takes all the stress from the drive. Even on a really stormy morning right in the middle of Rush Hour!  It takes the guesswork out of the route and allows you to focus on what’s going on around you.  I never really had the chance to use it before this trip.  Awesome.
I digress.  So, the EEG tech got me in early and checked my leads. She said I was doing an excellent job taking care of them, and she sent me out the door 25 minutes before my set appointment time and said that I could come in anytime between 8:30 and 10:00 tomorrow, so if rain is in the forecast I don’t have to worry so much about my leads.
I went straight from the hospital to the Wal-Mart I had called about my prescription.  I arrived there with my GPS at 8:57 am and the Pharmacy opened at 9am.  I got my tums and a little composition book for my medical journal they are having me do, because I am Wordy Gertie, and one sheet of paper wasn’t working for me.  I also got some nail polish.  Got the medicine and headed back to the hotel.  I ate lunch in my room, watched a little T.V., played a little facebook, and laid down for a nap.  My head had been hurting pretty badly all day so far, and I was ready to have some rest.
I finally laid down about 1 pm, and was awakened in terror just before 3 with a TERRIBLE nightmare. I do remember this one.  It was like I was watching a video on youtube where an old friend of mine who I haven’t seen or thought of in years died in a crash while leaving his wedding.  Then I was the person filming the video. Then I was in the vehicle.  I haven’t seen him since we were teenagers, and I don’t even know if he IS married.  It was so strange. I won’t even share anymore details.  I don’t want anyone else to have a nightmare.  Let’s just leave it at “It was a really freakin’ scary bad bad bad bad dream and I don’t ever want to think of it again.”  I looked for him on facebook after I stopped hyperventilating.  I didn’t find him, but I did find his mom.  Maybe I’ll look again later.  It may be silly, but I think I would feel better if I found him.
For about an hour after the ‘awakening’ I was really suffering with a severe migraine.  I finally took something for the pain.  I don’t like to do that if I can manage through them with just rest and dark rooms, but this one wouldn’t relent.  The pain has eased some now, and my body is relaxing from the stress.  So strange.  Maybe I am watching too much television, but I don’t really think HGTV and Food Network would cause a dream like that : P Also, I didn’t have that one medicine last night, so I took it and my other medicines a little while ago.  Most of my medicines can cause problems like that if I miss a dose.

August 13th
As you can see, I was unable to finish my journal during my trip.  The last of the 10th was fairly uneventful.  I did get out of the motel room and cross the street to McDonald’s for a Mocha Frappe’  That totally hit the spot.  I bet the caffeine showed some interesting things on my EEG.  I then talked to my hubby on the phone for a while before hanging up for the night and playing on Facebook and watching TV.  After my horrible dream from earlier in the day, I was reticent to doze off.  But alas, I succeeded at nearly 2 a.m.  I woke up the next morning feeling un-refreshed, but looking forward to going to the clinic to be set free of my gluey and tapey and wirey and itchy bonds.  I didn’t have to be there until 10, but I made it at 9:15.  The lady at the front desk looked at me funny.  It was like she wanted to say ‘two days in a row? An hour early? Can’t you tell time woman?”  I answered her unspoken question.  I simply said “Bad Weather.  I’m not used to driving in Little Rock, so I wanted to give myself plenty of time to get here.”  She just nodded and I had a seat.  Once the bonds were cut, I headed out of Little Rock, very happy to be going home, but very tired.  The headache I carry about with me was getting worse.  I’m not sure what is causing it. I am beginning more and more to think that stress is my disease.  I do know because of my MRI that my brain is beautiful and unscathed. So apparently we will have to look elsewhere for the problem.
August 16, 2011
Yesterday I contacted LRDC to find out if the Neurologist had read my EEG.  He had.  It was normal.  Two days of exactly the symptoms I have been struggling with, on record now—and the test is normal.  I don’t mean to sound upset, but I just hoped that I could get an answer and not have to keep this up.  On the bright side, everything about my brain is normal except that the pressure from the spinal fluid inside is a little too high, which causes the daily headaches, assumingly for the past many years.
Alas, however, I am not any closer to finding the answer as to why I am having what the neurologist is calling myoclonus.  Myo=muscle. Clonus=Jerks.  But even that doesn’t really give a diagnosis but rather names a symptom that must be attached to the problem.  So, now I have to go back to Little Rock and see My Neuro on Sept. 7th.  We’ll go over the results and decide what to try next.
In the mean time, he would like me to go from once to three times per day on a medicine that knocks me out.  Not keen on taking medicine that will make it even harder for me to work.  I think I’ll hold off at least till the weekend to try that.  Experimenting with dosages during the work week has not been historically wise.  Also, it seems counterintuitive to treat something you haven’t yet diagnosed.  I have to admit that the klonopin did help really well for a while, but just with any mind affecting drug, they begin to work less well.  Additionally, the tremors feel stronger than they did, and are breaking through the medication.  I’m just not sure I want to put myself in a stupefied state to treat a condition we can’t pinpoint.

So, I guess this chapter gets a sign-off with uncertainty about what’s to come next.

My Health #7 - Friday, August 5th

I was lucky enough to get in to see the neurologist in Little Rock on the 3rd, rather than the 15th.  He prescribed Diamox, which is a diuretic to help decrease the pressure in my skull. I started taking that last night.  The medicine is normally prescribed for altitude sickness.  I have had three doses.  One last night, and two today.  I am not planning to take a fourth.  Each time I take the pill I get a severe and miserable headache within 30 minutes that lasts between two and 10 hours (so far) and also comes with nausea and flu-like muscle aches all over.  I guess that medicine isn’t going to help my headaches either.

He is revisiting my convulsions, which are breaking through the currently prescribed dosage of seizure medication.  He also said that some of my shaking and muscle weakness is due to the different types of depression medication I have been taking since I was 22 years old (ten years. wow.).  There was no discussion yet of taking me off my current medication, but he did say that the more violent jerking, or what he thinks is myoclonus, which loosely means muscle turmoil, is not as likely caused by the depression medication anyway.

So, he wants me to do a 48 hour ambulatory EEG.  That’s just a fancy way of saying I get to go home for two full days with wires glued to my head and a little machine that reads my brain waves constantly for all that time. There’s just one problem with that.  They want me to come in every day after they ‘hook me up’ to check and/or change my battery to ensure that the test completes properly.  Also, if I were to go to work during this time I would have to wear a turban or other head covering so as not to freak people out :) I am not looking forward to driving to Little Rock something like three days in a row.  The main reason is that I can’t afford to.  The other reason is that it is way too hard on me to make that trip that often.  My other options are to check in to a motel close by or just check into the Hospital and get hooked up and just wait for something to happen on the EEG.  I''m not sure what to do yet.  Money is a huge obstacle. Plus, I am going to have to miss more work either way.  This has been a heck of a summer.  I would appreciate all your prayers.  This isn't over yet.

My Health #6 - Tuesday, July 26

Today is July 26th.  I haven’t smoked a cigarette since July 4th, and haven’t taken the Chantix medication since the week before last.  I think that my quit has been successful!  I don’t crave nicotine, and I don’t mind being around others who smoke.  I didn’t even trade one bad habit for another so far as I can tell.  That, amongst all of the pain and frustration of this summer has been the highlight, and a feat of which I am extremely proud.  I have always struggled with self-control.  By taking the Chantix, I helped to remove the chemical addiction so I could focus on removing the bad habits and experiences that made me want to smoke.
My health is actually improved at the moment too.  Topamax may be great for some people, but for me it was like living life in a complete fog.  I had to back off the dosage little by little to get off of it safely, but now that I am no longer taking it, more than half my symptoms have disappeared.  I am no longer hyper sensitive to light, and no longer have severe eye pain.  I am no longer mixing up words and forgetting things, thus causing me to repeat myself quite a lot.  I am no longer getting lost in familiar places.  I can complete a thought and a sentence.  I am very fond of my intellect, and giving it up for pain relief that wasn’t forthcoming after nearly two months was just not going to do.  So, if you have used Topamax before and you swear by it, by all means recommend it to others.  As for me, I wouldn’t take it again even if I had no other choice.  Oh, and Icksnay on the Imitrex, too.  Yuck.
Now as for pain, I still have spades of it.  In my head, behind my eyes, at the back of my skull, through my neck and shoulders, especially on the right side; and an odd ‘pinched nerve’ feeling in my lower spine that affects either one leg or the other, and sometimes both at the same time.  Muscle relaxers help the most, but I have to wait to take them until I am at home if I expect to get anything done at work.  Other pain medicine doesn’t really do the trick, and can cause me to actually get a worse or ‘rebound’ headache.  So, unless the pain is unbearable, I try to do no medication.  The best thing you can do for a migraine is go to bed.  When I’m not at work, I do that a lot.   
My poor child has to ask me all the time whether or not I’m feeling good, or if my head hurts.  He shouldn’t have to cater to my suffering at such a young age.  It makes me mad.  I still feel as if I’ve been mistreated.  I went to the doctor for tremors that we are treating, but of which the root cause has not been found.  Then, we go ‘gung-ho headache’ and diagnose a rare disease.  Then we blame the LP procedure for the pain for a week.  Then we blame migraines for a week.  Then we blame the increased pressure in my head the next week.  The emergency room treats me for a severe headache, but doesn’t try to figure out why I am having it, charges me 100 bucks and sends me home to be on the couch some more.  Then the doctor tells me that there isn’t anything more he can do and I just have to wait and let the medicine begin to work. This miracle medicine that made me worse instead of better.  Gah!  I just want to scream sometimes.  I am going to keep my appointment in Little Rock on the 15th, and get to the bottom of this.  I’ll just start over with the tremors and go from there.
At least there has been some improvement :) I am happy that I can still go to work as long as I can rest up between shifts :)  I am happy that I am smoke free for the first time when I felt like I had really kicked the habit. :)  I am happy that I am fortunate enough to have a good job with insurance.  I am happy-and honored-to have so many people thinking about me and praying for me.  :) I am happy to have a family that loves me and takes care of me and of Riley when I can’t.  I am happy to have a dishwasher in my kitchen!! I am truly blessed by God to have so many people who care.  Much love to you all!