Let's Get Going

Hello readers!  It's been a while.  You all know that I love writing. I'd love to add 'for a living' to that as yet much shorter sentence. So, I suppose the best way to start is to write.

According to my parents first, and then pretty much everyone else who met me after they did,  I have something to say, and I'm not too terrible at finding creative ways to say it.  So, from my first steps into literacy, around age 4 to 5 until now, I have made efforts to be understood, which usually ended up in written form.That's about 35 years of poetry, diary entries, songs, essays, short stories, and later on instructions, emails, blog/Facebook posts, and the occasional personal opinion on an article here and there.

In high school I was copy, and then managing editor of our high school's literary magazine.  In every job I've ever had, I became the proofreader. The drafter. The wordsmith.  My current workplace is no different.  I love to provide this help, because I know it is tedious to others and taking it off their shoulders makes me feel I have something important to contribute.

For a large part of my adult life I spent a great deal of time playing an unasked-for role of a chronically ill patient, as well as the parent of one.  I learned incredible amounts of information about modern medicine. Some of this information applied to my situation, and some didn't have a thing to do with what was going on with me and yet, I would read and read, captivated by an overwhelming curiosity of how stuff works inside a living creature. I  found in this foray that my love for the written word was not relegated to the arts.  I have a knack for understanding the Latin roots that make up most of medical terminology.  I can pronounce and spell complicated medication names.  Having this outlet for my stress and worry was an excellent way to not go crazy while lying around trying to get well or tending to/advocating for my special-needs kiddo.

I've taken a rudimentary vocabulary quiz' provided by Dictionary.com  that is supposed to tell about how extensive your vocabulary might be based on your performance in the quiz. I was near 33 thousand words, and in the 70th percentile of native English speakers who took the test. Adults in my age-group range from 20,000 to 35,000. I am quite happy with that result, but am always eager to learn more!  If you haven't tried it before, you should check out Dictionary.com's word of the day. 

I'd really like the chance to take an IQ assessment. Not the type where you answer five questions and give someone your email address to see the results. A real, professionally administered battery of questions designed to assess just where I fall on the bell curve. Yes, I enjoy taking tests. Yes, I know this makes me a weird nerd. No, I don't care.

Until I have the chance to do that, I'll simply continue reading, continue writing, and continue telling whomever might be inclined to take a look, that I am here, and I quite like the idea of company.

An Old Try at a Little Rhyming

Misconfigured underlying terror gives the drive

And tempts a mystical imagination

Setting frightful monsters free that live within the soul

So they may fade fast into integration.

That wretched soul and spirit, intermingled now, make one

But still they hesitate to be made known

And life goes on for countless, endless days and still they hide

Unrelenting to their flesh and bone.

Massive deeds of deprecation run relentlessly

The skeleton is feeble, showing scars

And though it seems the bones should give support to what’s inside

They only seem to act as feeble bars

Caging all the timid screams and fearful sighs for help

And in their weakness steadfast sill remain

Showing absolutely no compassion, life or love

Only showing anger, fear and pain.

There has to be some thing of beauty ready for salvation

Hiding deep within the caging marrow

Patiently awaiting its redemption from the flesh

But only in the final sighs of sorrow

Will the bones be broken from the strain of hiding self

Within its deepest portion from the light

And only then will freedom come to empty out the soul

And only then will life be set back right.

All things hidden will remain unless the lock is broken,

The bars all crushed and then rebuilt again

And tested by the fire of the suffering furnace flames

Keeping out the darkness from within

The body cannot hide or hold an everlasting light

And once it enters in it will shine on

It is not caged but willingly it ever will reside

Announcing to the world that it has won.

Opinion, Belief, Judgment

I cannot believe that I am doing this...I try to keep out of all of discussions on current events.  I have to get this out, though, and if I do it right, I hope at least to make my point.

Human beings cannot begin to know everything that there is to know.  To proclaim that they do is a dangerous thing.  I have heard both sides of the current arguments.  Both seem to be lacking something very important.  It's this:

Individuals should not have control over what someone beside themselves chooses as a belief or a lifestyle. Our country was built on this principle.  I so happen to be a Christian, so as closely as I am able, I try to follow what I know to be true in my life-long exposure to the Holy Bible.  Everyone is human, and everyone, across all of humanity makes mistakes.  So...I do not believe that being a Christian makes me better than anyone else. Do I think I am right in this choice?  Of course I do!  Why would I be a follower of Christ if I didn't think that it was right?  Do I ever have doubt?  You bet your apple jacks I do.  Every day.  That's why there's faith.  And Hope.  And prayer.  And study.  And eventually, I'll know. We all will, one way or another.

Do I believe that God's commandment to me was to be global adjudicator? Breaker of established laws?  Thank goodness NO.  I am, by my set of beliefs, to [paraphrased] love my neighbor as I do myself (Mark 2:31) and to 'judge not, lest I myself be scrutinized under the same judgment.(Matthew 7:1-3)

This is so simple to me.  My Bible says to give back to the governing body what belongs to it, and give to God what is God's. (Matthew 12:17)  The governors of the day were amazed at Jesus saying this.  I think that if we as Christians did just that, AGAIN, we'd amaze everyone all over again. It is not my job to judge others, and so, if the government of my country BY ITS PEOPLE sets rules to allow for its citizens to have the freedom to live their lives as they see fit, then it is so very thankfully not my job to prevent that government from doing so.  This does not mean that we cannot cast our votes by our beliefs on those laws during the process.  It does not mean that Christians need to just stand by and watch  the world change from the sidelines.

So now we know what is not my job. What IS my job is to follow Christ and his teachings, to go out into all the world and share this belief, TEACHING people about what I believe and why it is important...by my actions, NOT JUST BY my words. (Matthew 28:19).  Nowhere in my Bible does it say that I am to MAKE people believe like I do.  Nowhere does it say that if they don't, I can't love them, or grant them a marriage license, or bake them a cake, or whatever else is yet to come. Even God, by my belief, didn't want that.  This is why we're all given the freedom to choose what we believe, ever since [what I believe to be] the beginning. Yes, it is my belief that no one can come into the Kingdom of God except by the grace and sacrifice of Jesus Christ.(John 14:6)  But it is NOT my belief that I should somehow have the right to circumvent the law, or be a better judge than the government, and certainly not a better judge than who I believe to be God and Maker of Heaven and Earth.

Last Post, This Post

Last entry: November.  Tomorrow it will be March 1st, and one day prior to our 13th wedding anniversary.  Our wedding was on a Saturday.  There was a freak snow storm.  Considering the present state of the weather outside, I am forced to be even more reminiscent.

Had the colonoscopy in December.  All perfectly normal, except for confirmation of scar tissue from my hysterectomy, the pain caused by which I shall have to simply live with. Ah, well.  I suppose we all do the best we can.

Hunter the super cat is better than before.  He can now climb up on the couch and sleep on me, which is where he prefers to do so.  He is sometimes a demanding, cranky old man.  If he's hungry, he literally screams if he sees you coming, and then leads you to the bathroom and squalls until fed.  But I believe after a life lived so long, an old man is entitled to shout for his supper.

I have been working on another blanket, and a few drawings here and there.  I go through phases where I am more interested in hidden object games and facebook.  I have been watching Star Trek:  The Next Generation with my husband.  For probably the 5th time.  Such a good show.  And in light of the recent passing of Leonard Nimoy, it is a bit more interesting when he happens upon an episode, which is the case tonight.  It's such a strange thing. Until now, I have never shed tears at a celebrity's passing.  I guess it must be because I cannot remember a time in my entire life where he wasn't just 'out there' being Spock.  I know it is strange to mourn the death of someone you never really knew, but my life would be so different without my experience with his character.  I can think of so many conversations that would have been devoid of any humorous reference to Living long and Prospering.  So many contests with friends on who could most skillfully bid a vulcan farewell. A few painful receipts of a 'vulcan nerve pinch.'  Silly?  No, I don't think so.  It's simply the end of an era.  A signification of another step further away from youth, and toward the next stage of life.  Maybe I shed a tear for us both.

We may have made a small breakthrough with Riley's medication.  The poor child takes four medications.  He has one to help him 'settle' a little during school, one for bedtime, and one for mood and anxiety.  We have reluctantly tried stimulants, with what I would call atrocious results.  We have tried mood stabilizers, to reduce aggression, with quite the opposite effect. Before this, they put him on prozac, which helped in some ways, but seemed to increase bad dreams and decrease sleep. We have switched from Prozac to Zoloft and had a week of fairly positive results.  And the Vistaril for anxiety is an antihistamine which has a sedative effect.  With that, and a little lavender oil, which Riley calls 'wee-waxing-stuff,' we seem to maybe, MAYBE...finally have a good fit.  At least for now. We are scheduled to go to the Dennis Developmental Center in Little Rock in May for a day-long battery of evaluations to come to some more clear determination of his overall condition.

So aside from a pretty crummy encounter with an identity thief, things are going along fine!  But, that's a subject for another time.

If you've ever had a dog...

My dog is the vision of loyalty.

When I’m sitting, she has to be touching me.

When I’m walking, she’s following happily

No matter where I am traveling.

When I’m sleeping, she’s sleeping right next to me.

When I’m gone, she waits for me patiently

And upon my return, greets me lovingly.

No matter how long she’s been waiting for me--

A minute, an hour, a day or a week--

She’s in heaven the moment she looks at me.

Mine is the best dog I’ve ever seen.

Her eyes and her ears and her nose are keen.

She’s the most loving dog that there’s ever been.

No other can bring me the joy she brings.

She sits like a good girl to get a treat

She behaves like a princess when she eats.

She is smarter than many a human you’ll meet.

She is so full of life, and of energy!

She can’t imagine her life without me.

I feel the same way as she, naturally!

Her tail is the window into her soul

It’s the best way she feels she can let me know

That she loves me the best in the universe

And I’ll never be sure who had whose heart first.

Goings On and Comings Up

I saw the doctor about my CT scan results.  I get to have what my mother and aunt call a 'scopeuptomy' on December 16th.  Hooray.

Hunter the super cat is walking around like a champ.  The coping strategy seems to be to hold his tail down toward the floor to balance.  I have never seen a more resilient creature, human or animal.  I know we won't have him forever, but from this point on, I am at peace either way.  He has been with us for over 17 years.

I have been doing my artwork like mad after a bit of a break.  I have done four pieces in as many days.  Christmas is coming fast, and I have lots of projects to keep me busy.  Riley will be the "Little Drummer Boy" in the Living Windows display on Main Street in Calico Rock on December 13th at 5:30 p.m.  I have the backdrop, the burlap, and a round cardboard box to make him a drum, and Dad has drum sticks.  Just a few things more, and we'll be ready for that.   The same night, the Christmas Lights Parade will be rolling down Main Street, which is comfortably visible from our front porch.  We will have all our best friends here for a visit.  I think my mom may come down too, to see Riley in his Drummer Role.

I have been asked to do some artwork again this year for the Living Windows event.  An artistic flyer, and possibly a piece that will be blown up and placed on a large Banner.  That is so exciting!  I feel very fulfilled when I get to share my artwork!  I don't claim to be the best, but hopefully, the heart behind every stroke of the brush, scratch of the pencil, or mark of the pen are showing in the effort!  Last year, I did a title drawing for each of the eight windows on main street.  Going down and seeing the response to the event, feeling the chill in the air, and the spirit of the season pouring out of each one in the softest, most inviting and peaceful light imaginable brought me to tears.  I know that may have a lot to do with my sensitive soul, but it can't have left very many who saw it unaffected.

I feel the best when I am exercising my right brain.  Singing, playing music, doing artwork, whatever I can to create something new to share..   The one thing I wish I was doing more of was singing.  My good friend, who also happens to be a fantastic voice teacher, is interested in helping me to remedy that.  I would love the opportunity to put on a concert, and sing, play the piano, and sing some more.  I have enough of  a voice that I'd like to sing some powerful songs.  My stage presence leaves much to be desired, but my dream of doing it may help me to fill in what's missing there.

In less than two weeks, Thanksgiving will be here again.  then a few short days more until Christmas.  Time moves too fast. 

Friendly Neighbor Update

We have made it to the halfway point with our cat Hunter's leg healing journey.  Coming along nicely.  He's such a cool cat.

I still don't know why I keep spiking a fever and abdominal rash.  No clues or anything.  Just finish my antibiotics like a good girl who has plenty of time to be draggy and exhausted from their side-effects.  No problem.

Cat Scan for lower left abdominal pain was inconclusive.  Bright side:  No scar tissue. No hernia.  No tumor, no ovary problem.  Kidneys are great, and lower lungs. Sigmoid colon is thickening, and I have some fat deposits on my liver.  Have no idea what that means.

I don't feel like the pain is coming from my colon, and my liver is in the wrong place to be causing this pain.  And it doesn't track with other gastric activities in which I engage, if you catch my meaning. The pain is constant and unrelated.  It hurts inside my hip, very top of inner thigh, outer hip, lower left back, down my leg and knee and my foot is tingly. All. The. Time.  I don't even see the gastroenterologist until November 12th, unless they get a cancellation.  So.  There's that.

On a lighter note, here's my latest recording :)